I have a superpower

Unfortunately my superpower is summoning birds to swoop from the heavens and poop on my head.

All I have to do is say or think something after which it would be incredibly ironic if a bird pooped on my head.

For instance, today, I was crossing the Liffey River in Dublin looking up at a statue of a famous man.  Streaks of white poop ran down his metal forehead.  I thought to myself, “Boy, someday I hope I’m famous enough to be a statue that birds poop on.”

The sky parted.  A distance “ca-caw” could be heard on the Irish summer breeze and then BAM!  I was hit!  I instinctively ducked in case it was a squadron of bombers.  I put my hand to my head to survey the damage. And damage there was.

Green. Chunky. Damage.

I’m not sure what birds in Ireland eat, but that bird wasn’t healthy.

The first time I used my superpower was in Baja, Mexico.  After a long day of diving, I was on the deck of the dive boat chatting with over-privileged teenagers about our day.  I was their dive instructor and they were hammering me with “What if” questions.

“What if my buddy and I both run out of air at the exact same time?”

“What if there is a current and we’re being swept out to sea away from the boat into a circling school of sharks that have laser beams strapped to their heads?”

You get the idea.

That’s when I said, “What if…what if…what if a meteor shoots from the sky and sinks our boats?”

BAM! To the delight of all, I was blessed by a seagull in the head, across the face, and down my shoulder.

I hope this stage is me just feeling out my power and understanding how to control it because it would be pretty sweet if I could summon birds to poop on someone else’s head.

Hey Mr. Strutting-down-the-street-in-your-muscle-shirt-two-sizes-too- small.  You might think you look cool now, but wait until a bird poops on your head.

Howdy Ms. Cut-me-off-in-your-shiny-red-convertible.  Ever have a bird poop in your eye while traveling 70 mph?

Any superhero worth the Spandex, sees their power as a curse as much as a gift.  Fortunately, if great power comes with great responsibility, I’m pretty much off the hook.


If you had the power to summon birds to poop on someone’s head, who would be your victim?

 
23 comments
Bruce says:

No poop this morning but in mile 9 of a long run a bird flew over and never pulled out of his “dive.” He never released a “bomb” he was committed to a hit and took a pinch right out of the top of my scalp. Crazy. But no blood and thus no clean up…THANKFUL.

Kelsey says:

Bruce, were you running with bird seed on your head again? That must have scared the crap out of you. How very Hitchockian.

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