06/12
2008
Putting on the finishing touches
I’m wrapping up another edit of my manuscript and am hoping to solicit some help with the passage below. I’ve never been the happiest with “a little girl’s opportunity”, but I’m not sure what else to write. Any suggestions?
The context of this is that I’m at the dump where kids pick through trash. The kids would be lucky to be garment workers.
At the dump one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. And in Cambodia, one man’s sweatshop is a little girl’s opportunity.
What about keeping the parallel structure with the first sentence and trying ‘another little girl’s opportunity’? Might flow a little more?
How about “One man’s sweatshop is another child’s opportunity”
or
“One man’s sweatshop is another child’s treasure”
The language is quite shocking… How can a sweatshop be a child’s treasure? It beats the dump.
I think the gender was throwing this off. I’ve combined both of your suggestions and here’s what I’ve got:
At the dump one person’s trash is another’s treasure. And in Cambodia, one person’s sweatshop is another’s opportunity.