My All-American Cambodian Blue Jeans

(With the relaunch of the new blog I’m highlighting old posts. I wrote this one in May of 2007 while in Cambodia.)

In the USA we didn’t invent the blue jean. We just made ‘em cool.

Jeans were first worn by the Italian Navy. But riveted jeans were first produced in San Francisco by Levi Strauss. He was a German immigrant. So, maybe blue jeans aren’t as All-American as I’d like to think, but I’ve got two words for you: James Dean.

Here’s one more: Fonzie

Levi’s has such a connection with the average American that they were one of the last companies to start sourcing internationally. The delay hurt them. It’s impossible to compete when your competition can make their product using labor that costs a fraction of…

A fresh look at "Made in Italy"

Today, like every day, I’m wearing glasses.  They were made in Italy and I just made a horrible discovery: they are Dolce & Gabbana glasses.

That’s not “horrible” you’re probably thinking to yourself.

Obviously you don’t subscribe to Esquire Magazine.

Anytime I see D&G on a shirt or handbag my mind is flooded with the image that greets me each month I crack open a new Esquire. There’s this fella, who also looks like he was made in Italy, floating in what appears to be a life raft, but he looks too busy casually flexing his abs to be concerned about his life, so maybe it’s just a raft. Anyhow, he’s sweaty and is wearing a white Speedo (he definitely must be Italian). The Speedo has two strings with tiny metal…

And the winner of the iPod is…

Chuck!

Chuck wrote the song “Albino Sasquatch” (a great name for a band) which had the judges – Dan at Rule29, Larry, at Wiley, and me – rolling. I’ll send out emails to the runners up in the near future so they can choose from the other prizes: ARC of WAIW, Moju Project T-shirt, or writerly advice.

Without further ado…ALIBINO SASQUATCH

Kelsey is dancing to an autobiographical song that he wrote himself. Kelsey wrote the lyrics and Elton provided the melody. He plays it whenever he goes to a new place. It’s his way of introducing himself to the people.

I am the Albino Sasquatch
I’ve roamed all around this land
Be not afraid! I am friendly
Come shake my furry hand

I’ve been spotted down…

Zoo Rant: A tale of Two Elephants

I was walking down the street in Jhalakthi, Bangladesh, when an elephant asked me for a dollar bill.

The elephant’s snout was smeared with red paint and two smiling locals sat atop his back.  The crowded streets managed to make way for the elephant. Kids smiled and pointed. Rickshaw drivers piled on the sidewalk.

They all stared at me.  The tiny proboscis at the end of the elephant’s trunk wiggled with anticipation.

I reached into my pocket, pulled out some money, and the elephant ever so gently picked it from my hand.

I pitied the elephant.  She was trapped in a life of cheap tricks and crowded streets. I can still see the coarse black hairs bristling her trunk.  I can hear her breath and see her snotty snout.

This weekend I was reminded…

iPod contest update

Okay, so I should have announced a winner last Thursday. What do you want to hear?

1. I should pay attention to my own contest rules and forgot that Thursday was the deadline.
2. There were so many great entries that it’s taking awhile and I had to enlist some assistance choosing who should win.
3. I was busy on Thursday and went to the zoo on Friday.

Actually, I’m going to plead all of the above.

I’ll announce the winners soon enough. Look, I should just keep the iPod for myself, seeing how the day this contest was conceived coincided with the washing and drying of my own iPod. My iPod is clean, but that’s about it.

Random thought: has anyone ever skipped an iPod like a stone. I bet those…

Faces of Honduras

I’ve been watching/listening/browsing the news a lot lately for updates on Honduras. Usually after talks of Michael Jackson and Iran the coup gets a brief mention. When I hear the stories, I think back to my time in the country in 2005, which I briefly mention in my book, and I see faces.

These are a few of those faces…

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"Guess where my undwear was made?" is the new "What's your sign?"

When you write a book about following the tags on your clothes around the world you get a lot of questions.  The most common is “Why?” which acts as a constant reminder that there is a fine line between first-time author and crazy.

At a book reading a woman asked me to check the tag on her bra.  In case there are some fellas that think this might’ve been a good thing, it was not.

People continually ask me where I am wearing.  I normally know.  I’ve pretty much committed to memory the countries of origin of every item in my wardrobe.

I also get “Guess where my shirt was made,” as if I were a carny that guessed things about people including their age, weight, and country of origin of their…

Michael Jackson and Dracula Were Here

When I stood at Dracula’s grave in Romania my head was filled with one thought: “Michael Jackson was here.”

Vlad Tepes is the Dracula of history.  He wasn’t a vampire, just a ruler who believed in corporal punishment, namely driving huge stakes through people and letting them slowly die.  For this he earned his nickname The Impaler.  Bram Stoker based his novel on Vlad.

Michael Jackson is Michael Jackson.

Vlad’s tomb is famous for two things: it’s empty and Michael Jackson visited it when he came to Romania on his Dangerous World Tour.

To get to the Snagov monastery where Vlad’s empty grave is I had to paddle two other tourists and my cab driver in a rowboat to the island where it sits.  A family lives on the island and runs tours…

Bear Gryll gets the Glory, camera crew gets the shaft

Members of Expedition Africa. (Not pictured: All the locals who lug their gear and the camera crew who captures their glory)

Few knows this, but a while back someone asked me to audition for a position as the host of a television series that focused on Tattoo cultures around the world.

I was fresh off my trip to Asia tracking down my clothes – pre-book deal.  I set a camera in a field of corn and talked about where I came from and why I would be a great host for their show on tattoos, even though I knew I would be a horrible host for a show on tattoos.

I don’t have any tattoos, nor plan on getting any ever. The only tattoo I would consider getting is one from a man I heard about from some around-the-world sailors. He asks you some questions about yourself, you pay him, and then he gives you the tattoo he wants to give you.  If you ask for a certain tattoo, “I want a pony,” the deal is off.  “No Tattoo for you!”  This option would work for me because if the tattoo looked stupid, I could just blame it on the guy who gave it to me, absolving myself from the decision making process.  “Who would have thought that Care Bears were big on that remote island?” I could offer as my excuse.

Anyhow, I digress…

I would have been a crappy host for a number of reasons.  First, I don’t have any tattoos.  Second, I have a major problem with many of these “go places, do stuff, travel/adventure” shows: the camera crew is completely forgotten.

Bear Gryll…GRRRRR….gets me fired up.  Death waits around every ravine, under every rock, and from every angle.  At least that’s what he says.  As he climbs up the mossy rocks of a waterfall he looks at the camera and says something like, “One wrong step and I fall to my death.”  As he wades his way through snake and alligator infested waters he warns, “At any moment I could be attacked and fighting for my life.”  Bear Gryll is nuts, sure, but what about the poor cameraman?  He’s climbing a mossy waterfall while holding a camera.  He’s trudging through death-infested waters while holding a camera.

I’ve been watching Expedition Africa on the History Channel.  Four “explorers” are following in the steps of Stanley’s expedition to find Livingstone. The four fight over who’s leading the group where while local porters and even two bushmen look on. One explorer is even carrying around a pith helmet! It’s embarrassing.  It’s just a reminder of the ugliness of colonialism.  “We’re white, educated, explorers, the locals are cute and all with their bare feet, but we know better than they do.”  The group comes across some tough conditions – climbing muddy mountains in the rain, crossing deserts in excruciating heat.  But…what about the camera crew who are climbing a muddy mountain in the rain while holding a camera, and crossing the desert in excruciating heat while holding a camera?

I’m not a big fan of half stories and half-truths and that’s what these shows give us.

I would like to see a show about the camera crews who are tossed on ships while holding a camera filming the The Deadliest Catch, the camera woman sitting in the out of control rig barreling down the Ice Road, the dude climbing next to Bear Gryll.

Now that’s a show I could host.  Although I suppose then there would need to be another show about the people filming the camera crew who are filming the camera crew.

Not only are the camera crews left out of the story although they are sweating, trekking, risking their lives just like the stars of the show, but the affects the cameras have on the results of the show aren’t acknowledged.  Go to your nearest airport and start begging for 100-bucks.  Not going to happen.  But go to your nearest airport with a camera crew from the Amazing Race filming you, and your chances are good.

I’ve said it before, reality brings death to romance and I would like to make one addendum.

Reality (TV) brings death to romance and cameramen.

(Below the cut is an old column about my Travel Channel Hero Alby Mangels and the time I spent with his nephew in Australia)

A thousand words: Batman is coming to town

I’m leaving soon to pickup my brother, Kyle, and his wife, Jenn, from the airport. In honor of their visit, here’s a picture of Kyle.

Lookout villains of Muncie! Batman is coming to town! (Note to villains of Gotham: run amok with reckless abandon. Live it up!)

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