Blue Moose Nuts

They were blue. They were testicles. And they were huge. They swung from the pickup truck in front of us.

“I’m going to call him,” I said, “and tell him that his blue moose nuts make me sick.”

Annie laughed.

I picked up my phone and started to dial the number on the tailgate decal advertising a tree-trimming service.

“Are you really calling him?” Annie asked. I showed her the “calling” screen on my phone.

“Yep, I’m going to tell him how unprofessional blue moose nuts are and how I would never use his service because of them.”

She tried to talk me out of it. I didn’t listen. But when the first ring rang I pictured the fella answering his phone, turning around…

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2010 Engaged Consumer Gift Guide

On Friday the population of the United State doubles. Or at least it seems to in Muncie, Indiana. Starbucks will be crammed with saggy-eyed shoppers selling sleep for a good deal. Target’s parking lot will be bumper-to-bumper, the chaos moving tectonically slow if it moves at all.

Ears will be filled with Christmas music, hearts with joy, credit cards with debt, and fingernails caked with the epithelials of the other shoppers you had to claw out of the way between you and the Chia Obama. Muncie CSI will find them later, but for now you can enjoy shopping.

Chances are the products will be made by someone like iPhone girl, or someone I met on my Where Am I Wearing trip, who works long, hard…

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Chia Obama: Does our consumerism know no bounds?

Nothing says Hope like planting a seed on a bald bust of the President of the United States and hoping it grows.

Enter: Chia Obama

Yes, we live in a world where people will buy a Chia Obama, a Chia Lincoln, and even a Chia George Washington.

I had a Chia lamb back in the day. My grandma got it for me for Christmas. I spread out the seeds, applied the fertilizer, and my sheep appeared to have gone through a long series of chemo treatments followed by being trapped in a burning barn. The grass was anything but even and mostly barely there.

I was devastated. On TV it was magic “Ch-ch-ch Chia” and boom there was a beautiful coat, or afro, or wig. Heck even the…

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Desperate Times Call for Desperate Writers

James Frey, author of “A Million Little Pieces,” whipping boy of Oprah, fictionalizer of facts, wearer of a beard, seer through droopy eyes, wants to publish your book.

Excited?

He’ll pay you a whopping $250 up front.

Excited now?

$250 is barely enough to buy a shotgun and ammo at Wal-Mart to shoot dead your literary career.

Yet writers are signing on with Frey’s Full Fathom Five publishing company. Frey and his company are profiled in a recent New York Magazine piece, James Frey’s Fiction Factory.

Here’s what Conrad Rippy has to say about the contract Frey is offering:

It’s an agreement that says, “You’re going to write for me. I’m going to own it. I may or may not give you credit. If there is…

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Travelers Give A Shit

SoccerPlayers

I give a shit about the Great (shrinking) Barrier Reef because I’ve chased a turtle around it.

I give a shit about melting glaciers because I’ve climbed on one in New Zealand.

I give a shit about the persisting tension in Kosovo because I’ve played PlayStation and shared countless cups of tea with college students in Pristina.

I give a shit about hurricanes hammering Honduras because I’ve played baseball there.

I give a shit about garment workers in Bangladesh because I’ve taught them how to throw a Frisbee and been to an amusement park with them.

I give a shit about orphans in Guatemala and Nepal because I’ve played Hacky Sack with them.

I give a shit about those…

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A simple act, a world of change

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What would the world be like if when everyone put on their shirt in the morning they checked the tag and took a moment to think about the people who made it and what their life was like? How would it inform our worldview?

I spent the weekend at the a conferencein Olympia, Washington. I’ll do a summary later, but for now I wanted to share this picture of a painting by Janet Essley. The painting is part of a traveling exhibit. To bring it to your community contact Liana at liana(at)sweatfree(dot)org.

Here’s what the artist had to say about the paintings:

“As we remember [the sewer’s] hands on each piece of clothing that we wear, may…

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Ron Burgundy would've got it right

'Where Am I Wearing" Author visits Rockford_1289405176707

I’ve never been to Burma. But somebody forgot to tell that to the folks at the CBS-Affiliate in Rockford, Illinois. They interviewed me while I was at Rockford College and reported that Burma was one of the countries I visited on my Where Am I Wearing quest.

You can see the interview here.

The station sent one fella out. He seemed hurried, apparently not even having the time to say hello when he walked in the room. He started to set up his equipment without so much as a nod of acknowledgment. Not a “Hi, I’m Jim” or a “I hate my job….

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