At the urinal I'm the only one that touches me, GOT IT!

The bathroom attendant is wearing a red bow tie. When I walk in he bows, and not just a little bow, a big one. I consider urinals and opt for the one in its own private little nook. I unzip and I’m about to begin.

That’s when the shoulder massage starts.

What the @#$@#%!! If there is one rule that I’ve strictly maintained my entire life it’s that I don’t urinate if someone is touching me. Especially if that someone is giving me a shoulder massage. And most especially if he is wearing a red bow tie.

I look over my shoulder, the left one, as he kneads away. My face is twisted with violation. I shake my head no and then nod for him to back off, not that I would be able to do anything if he didn’t. I’m kind of in a vulnerable position.

He gets the hint.

I’m relieved.

The really freaky part is that beyond the walls of the Golden Boss’s bathroom, the scene is just as weird.

Chinese business men hire girls to dance with them. Chinese business men dance. Planets hang from the ceiling. Laser lights beam onto the floor. The singing is at such a high pitch and amplified at such a level that people dance with their hands over their ears and still manage to stay on beat.

Everybody that is, except for the Chinese business men.

The Gold Boss nightclub, it’s a name that makes no sense. It’s fitting. It purveys the perfect amount of unintended overdoneness. This place, a sort of writing fodder paradise, is a full-on assault of the senses and has complete disregard for everything that is tasteful.

It was marvelous. Except the shoulder massage. That really freaked me out.

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Kyle says:

Haha! That’s ridiculous. You’re lucky that he didn’t hit you with a shiatsu masssage.

Joel says:

Ha! I know that feeling (the “What the @#$@#%!!” feeling, not the shoulder-massage-while-urinating feeling.)

We’ve lived in a Chinese cultural context since Jan. 06, and we still get surprised beyond belief on a regular basis. But way to be for handling that bathroom adventure with such a lack of violence… I either would have froze or assaulted the guy.

Oh, and greetings from your China subscribers. Thanks for the link.

Kent says:

I’m freaked out! Who would want anyone not only looking over, but also rubbing your shoulder while peeing?! GROSS!

Kelsey says:

I appreciate the sympathy. My urinal innocence has been stolen. I should sue the SOB.

Joel says:

Ha. I’m impressed… I either would have froze or gotten violent.

We’ve been living in Taiwan/China for over a year now and we still get surprised on a regular basis, even in our own neighbourhood.

However, that ridiculously affluent Chinese businessmen would go for a place as tacky and overblown as the one you describe doesn’t surprise me.

Hello from your China subscribers!

Let your voice be heard!