Rudolph Lyrics Smackdown

“We’ll take fill in the Christmas (Blank) for $300, Jamie.”

Our family Christmas was divided. The Timmermans on one couch, the Wilts on another, and the Hutchcrafts sat on the floor except my uncle Reed who always seems to be in a rocking chair. My cousin Jamie had made a Christmas-themed Jeopardy on her laptop, and we were battling it out.

The Question…

They never let poor Rudolph (Rudolph) join in any reindeer games, (like ___________).

We (the Timmermans) knew the answer. We’ve been singing it “football,” since we listened to Rudolph on our record player as kids. So when the Wilts answered “Monopoly” (each family shared their answer to every question) we felt sorry for them. But when the Hutchcrafts answered “Monopoly” we knew something was up. Sure enough, “Monopoly” was the answer.

Monopoly! Reindeer can’t play Monopoly. They don’t even have opposable thumbs! They laughed at our answer of “football.” I was too flustered to make logical arguments at the time, so I’ll offer exhibit A here:


We went through the rest of the song. The Wilts and Hutchcrafts agree that the add-in lyrics are:

…call him names (like Pinocchio)
…you’ll go down in history like (Columbus)

We sing it as:

…call him names (like fudge face)
…you’ll go down in history like (George Washington)

Allow me to argue for our lyrics:

Pinocchio had a very long nose, Rudolph didn’t. Pinocchio was a lying SOB, Rudolph is a lovable misfit just trying to find his place in the world.

And Columbus was a crappy navigator. Seriously, you’re trying to find China and you find North America?! Not even close, buddy. If Columbus was in charge of guiding Santa’s sleigh, there would be a lot of really pissed off kids.  Washington was a leader who guided his troops across the Delaware on Christmas day.

So, what do you think the add-in lyrics should be?  Please make logical arguments in favor of your lyrics.

Do you sing  “fudge face, football, George Washington,” or “Pinocchio, Monopoly, Columbus,” or perhaps something else?  Let’s get to the bottom of this.

amartyyy says:

we sing pinocchio, monopoly, and g. washington. there’s no logical argument for it. it’s just how it happens.

Jenn says:

Ah, now I know why Kyle always says “Fudge Face.” I think it’s weird. Pinocchio, Monopoly, and then I go back and forth between Columbus and George Washington. And since when did you need to make a logical argument? That’s just the way we sang it growing up!!!

Robert says:

People, this is so obvious. It’s “Fudge Face”, “Monopoly”, and “Columbus”. Let’s end this insanity.

Let your voice be heard!