Disney would like to Welcome you to these United States

Welcome to the USA, where, according to this bit of propaganda commissioned by the State Department and produced by Disney, everybody smiles. But really, what’s wrong with that?

I’ve heard more negative comments about this video than good ones.

The main issue tends to be that Horseshoe Falls of Niagara Falls, which appears for about a second, is pictured and it belongs to Canada. The shot is from the Canadian side overlooking the falls with the USA in the background. The only thing more ridiculous than owning a waterfall is owning half a waterfall.

Yes, the particular half pictured is owned by Canada, but seeing how this is Tourist propaganda and Niagara Falls is a popular destination for tourists in the USA, what’s the big deal? Somewhere in the falls is an imaginary political line. Don’t you see it? What if the film showed a fella jet-skiing on Lake Erie and the shot just happened to be taken as he crossed the imaginary political divide between Canada’s Lake Erie and the USA’s Lake Erie? The only difference there would be that nobody would be pitchin’ a fit.

Like a commercial or advertorial, this is propaganda. “Show the real America!” say the opponents of the video. I suppose they want pictures of our homeless, dead beat dads and abusive moms, of our military invading and bombing places, of politicians stripping civil liberties, of race riots, of slavery, Hurricane Katrina’s aftermath, etc.

Again, this is a tourist video. Settle down. What’s wrong with showing smiling Americans? What’s wrong with being proud of what’s great about our country? Life in the USA is not perfect, but we’ve got it pretty darn good compared to a lot of places. We’ve got a lot to smile about. And, if you are sitting in your apartment/home/dorm, viewing this YouTube video and you aren’t worrying about where your next meal is going to come from or if the water you just drank will give you a lethal case of diarrhea, you probably should just shut up.

I was ready to view this video with cynicism, but it won me over. The diversity of our people, landscape, and culture is almost untouched. Our politics, people, and history aren’t perfect, but it sure looks like a nice place to visit.

I hear Canada is lovely, too.

Tourons! Win a year of National Geographic Traveler

Apparently it’s time for me to renew by subscription of National Geographic Traveler. I received an offer in the mail that if I renew I can give a free subscription to someone else.

You could be that someone else!

HOW TO WIN A FREE SUBSCRIPTION TO NGT

Give me your best you might be a “You might be a Touron if…” Go here for examples. Whoever makes me think or giggle the most gets the subscription.

Off the top of my head, here’s a few that I could use from my time in Bangladesh:

If you aren’t allowed to stay in Dhaka’s “Hotel Tourist” because you are a tourist, you might be a touron

If you’ve ever paid $1,200 for a plane ticket to visit the factory that made your underwear, you might be a touron.

About NG Traveler:

I don’t wait by the mailbox each month for the latest NGT issue, but I feel obligated to renew in order to keep the pulse of the travel world. I would like to see more meat in each issue. Sometimes I have trouble telling if I’m reading a story or an advertorial (an advertisement written in the form of an objective opinion editorial, and presented in a printed publication). Advertorials piss me off, they take up the space that a genuine objective story that isn’t trying to sell me something might fill. I like content written by writers not advertisers. Also, like all other travel mags, NGT feels the need to always tell me about the 10, 27, or 123, places I have to _____. Apparently, research shows that consumers love such lists. I hate them. I suppose if someone paid me enough I would write them one (I can be bought), but I wouldn’t be happy about it on the inside.

With all that being said, I would love to contribute something to the magazine. They are one of the industry’s heavy hitters. Plus, as with all National Geographic pubs, the photos are awesome, and sometimes it’s nice to read an entire magazine without having to read actual words.

So, I’m renewing for the reasonable price of $17.95.

Islam and Girl Power

Remember that movie with Sally Fields? The one where she is a successful businesswoman or doctor and she marries a fella, specifically Dr. Octopus, from Iran. And when they move to Iran her social status and her face take a few hits. She’s not allowed to eat with the men or join in their conversations and other stuff like that. When she oversteps her bounds she gets a beat down. This is all I knew about the role of women in an Islamic culture until I actually spent some time in Bangladesh.

In Bangladesh, some women wouldn’t shake my hand or make eye contact. (Yes, it was pretty touronic of me to try and shake their hand, but hey, I’m big into the handshake and, culturally sensitive or not, I think it’s a nice gesture. Why not exchange a little culture now and then? I don’t get upset by someone bowing to me.) Other women wouldn’t hesitate to converse or interact with me. Even so, I still feel that women living in an Islamic dominated culture don’t have the freedoms that women do in the USA.

But why is it then that a woman has never been President of the United States and women have held the highest positions of power in Pakistan, Indonesia, Turkey, India, and Bangladesh?

I don’t have a clue.

What I do know is that watching Dr. Octopus beat Sally Fields in Hollywood’s version of Iran and spending over a month in Bangladesh is not enough education to safely know what the heck I’m talking about. I think it’s important that we embrace our preconceived notions about religion, culture, and Marvel evil villains, and try to understand why they exist. It’s not bad to have prejudices, but it’s wrong to try and pass them off as knowledge. However ill-founded, they are a starting point that can’t be ignored.

Prejudice: Dr. Octopus is evil and Spider-Man should wrap him and his tentacles in a tight web and never let him go.

Reality: Otto Octavius was abused by his father and hovered over by his mother. He was engaged to the love of his life, but his mother and his dedication to his work as a scientist put an end to his engagement. He was in a nuclear accident.

Maybe if we understood Dr. Octopus and why he is so angry, we could give him a hug or therapy, or something.

Maybe before we herald the freedoms of women in our own culture and bemoan the lack of freedoms in others, we should know what the heck we’re talking about. If Hillary Clinton wins the Presidency, maybe then we can’t start preaching about gender equality. Until then maybe we should shut-up.

When I think of Islamic culture, I don’t exactly think girl power, but maybe I should.

Lamest marketing lingo of the day

“For the price of one cup of coffee you could be a published author.”

This appeared in an email from Writer’s Digest. Hey, if it worked for the starving kids in Africa…wait…they’re still starving? Huh, it’s bad when you have to steal someone else’s marketing angle. It’s worse when that angle was used to save starving children and it didn’t even work.

Also in the email…

“We promise the only jitters you’ll get will be from seeing your name in print.”

If only it were that easy. If only you had to pay $3.99, which is an expensive cup of coffee in my book, and you didn’t have to actually go through the pain and suffering of writing and the rejection that comes with it.

The stupid thing is that I’m already paying $3.99 a month to them and have been for quite awhile. It would have been best for them if they hadn’t reminded me. Now I think I’m going to go cancel my membership, since it hasn’t led to one single published article. The site is useful, but I don’t really use it.

What gets my goat is that there are many people that take advantage of aspiring writers. Aspiring writers are vulnerable and, unlike actual writers, they have money to spend on books, online courses, and websites.

When it comes to Writer’s Digest and Writer’s Market, I reckon that they are the best place to start for an aspiring writer and probably take advantage of them the least. But to go with the Sally Struthers marketing angle is pretty poor, so I would like to offer them a letter of rejection:

Dear Writer’s Digest,

I appreciate your email ad, but unfortunately at this time it does not meet my consumatorial needs. Know that this in no way reflects the quality of your ad, it’s just that I get so many other ads in my email. Thank you for thinking of me.

Sincerely,

Kelsey

OneDerWear disposable underwear

Some people just don’t have any sentimental attachment to their underwear. These are the sort of people that would actually wear OneDerWear disposable underwear.

Google ads are often ridiculous. If I could choose, I would disable them, but the BootsnAll gang has gotta make some money some how and I’m cool with that. Anyhow, I was checking the site yesterday and glanced at the auto-generated ads. That’s where I first heard about OneDerWear.

Here’s some marketing mumbo jumbo:

OneDerWear is an ultra-light disposable underwear created for traveling. Designed to provide the utmost comfort and convenience, OneDerWear disposable underwear is 100% cotton and ideally packaged for maximum space efficiency. Each package contains five compact pairs of individually wrapped disposable underwear that can fit in the palm of your hand. With OneDerWear, you simply wear and toss! By the end of your trip, you’ll be surprised to find plenty of luggage space for gifts and souvenirs.

I have considered the space efficiency of my underwear while packing for a long trip, but only in the quantity I take. I’ve never thought to myself, “Boy, if only there was underwear that would fit in the palm of my hand.” Let’s say I was going on a trip for 10 days. Normally, I would take three or four pair of underwear and wash them as I go. But if you decided OneDerWear was for you, you’d have to take ten pairs or more. It wouldn’t be until day six or seven that you were carrying as little underwear as me.

How comfortable can OneDerWear be? Sure they fit in the palm of your hand, but do they ride up your crack?

From the site’s “USAGE” section:

Exercising
After an extensive workout at the gym, do you really want to put on your sweaty underwear after showering? Just throw some OneDerWear in your gym bag, and you will never have to wear sweaty underwear again!

Or you could actually take a pair of clean underwear in that gym bag you’re carrying around!

Camping/Adventure Traveling
OneDerWear disposable undergarment products are perfect for camping because you don’t have to use limited backpack space with re-packing dirty underwear (peeeewww!). With OneDerWear, you can just Wear and Toss! Also, OneDerWear is friendly to the environment.

How in the world is wearing a pair of underwear once and then tossing them into the woods environmentally friendly? The saying goes, “Take only pictures, leave only footprints,” not, “…leave only footprints and OneDerWear.”

Also, who is the marketing genius that wrote, “…re-packing dirty underwear (peeeewww!)”?

Government Use
OneDerWear is also great for troops whose military stay requires them to reside in areas where access to washing facilities may be inconvenient or impossible. With OneDerWear there is no need to wash! Just Wear and Toss!

“Sir, we’re under attack!”

“How did they ever find us, private?”

“Sir, I think they may have followed our trail of OneDerWear.”

“Aggghhhhh! OneDerWEARRRRR!….I’m hit private.”

“Sir, you’ll be fine.”

“I’m dying. Tell my wife I love her. If you look in my duffel, you’ll find a few souvenirs I picked up for her. Please, give them to her. I had a little extra space thanks to OneDerWear. And they seemed like such a good idea at the…..”

College Students
With the busy schedule of college students, who has time to wash clothes. OneDerWear disposable undergarment products are great for college students and their busy lifestyles.

I’ve never had more free-time than when I was in college.

I OneDerWear they came up with such a dumb idea?

I’m in Canada, don’t tell anybody

I’ve always liked not having been to Canada. It gave me a comeback to people who refer to me as a world traveler and say things like, “Where haven’t you been?”

“Well, I’ve never been to Canada.” I’d say.

Everybody knows that you ain’t no world traveler unless you’ve been to Canada. The response would shut them up pretty fast. But here I am in Niagara Falls, Canada. Crap.

Annie and I haven’t been more than from miles from the US border so really that shouldn’t count as having been to a country, especially a country the size of Canada. Maybe, if we were 5 miles into Luxembourg, it would be a different story.

So, officially I’ve still never been to Canada. Unofficially, I have been. And I quite like how the cars stop for pedestrians in the crosswalks.

IDIOT Touron quote of the day…

“I only got seven dives in. I hope they didn’t jump the gun too soon.”

-Bob Shearer of Pennsylvania who was evacuated by military helicopter from the island of Roatan shortly before hurricane Felix devastated the region.

I really hate to use “Touron” to describe Bob. How about Inconsiderate, Dolt of Immense, Obtuse, Thoughtlessness (IDIOT). Thousands of homes and lives are threatened by one of nature’s most violent forces and Bob bitches about missing out on a few dives. They should have left Bob tied at the reef off of Roatan and let him do all of the diving he wanted to do, hurricane or no hurricane.

Here’s an update on Felix

Bill Maher on Cheap Chinese Crap

From the “New Rules” portion of his show on 8/24/07:

“If you (consumer) demand products that don’t cost anything, people will make them out of poison, mud, and shit.”

“Because in China their kids don’t play with the toys, they’re the ones in the factory making them.”

“I (impersonating American consumer) don’t have time to ponder whether these twelve-dollar jeans are a product of child labor. I just know that I’m an American on a budget and our lifestyle is a blessed one and I want to look nice standing in line for an iPhone.”

“Let’s buy toys from a communist police state, you know they’ll put in a little extra love.”

You can watch the entire segment or if you want to skip right to the bits on China skip to 3:20.

Touron Controversy

Someone responded to a discussion on the use of the word Touron in a WorldHum post the other day.

Here’s what she had to say:

I Find the use of the word Touron rather ridiculous in the short form of Moron - Tourist. Did anyone stop and think to look up whether that word was someones last name! Did they stop and think that maybe the French Touron family would be pretty upset to find their good name slandered in slang!! I cannot believe the stupidity of some people who make up words and believe they are the creator of the next best thing. This is truely moronic in itself.

As the self-proclaimed Great Touron King I felt compelled to respond:

I have a friend who’s last name is Butt. If I used the phrase “pain in the butt” or if I said, “That bee just stung me in the butt” or if I said, “That lady has got a big ‘ol butt,” he wouldn’t care.

My apologies to the Touron family, but I will continue to use the phrase. May they find consolation in the fact that at least their last name isn’t Butt.

Where am I eating?

Last night while driving home, I passed a young boy selling tomatoes along the side of a back-country road. Having been raised on a back-country road myself and having had a lemonade stand and having had slung tomatoes at passing cars, the site struck several cords of nostalgia with me.

I pulled in a lane just past him to turn around and buy him out of his stock, but alas, I only had $2. Damn my credit card reliance!

I’m sure the tomatoes would have been tasty and, if asked where they came from, he probably would have turned around and pointed to a nearby field or garden. It’s nice to know where your food comes from. The thing is that we don’t have a clue where most of our food comes from.

Food doesn’t come stamped with a “Made in” label. I never knew how scary all of this was until I listened to this story on NPR’s Here and Now. Countries exporting food to the USA don’t have to meet any certain standards. It is the responsibility of the USDA’s 450 (that’s right only 450) inspectors to make sure the food we’re getting isn’t laced with rat poison, or feces, or the feces of poisoned rats. In total, they inspect a fraction of one-percent of all foods imported into the USA.

The scariest part of the Here & Now interview is the discussion about China. China was shipping us something, and that something had too-high levels of something not good for us. The USDA informed the Chinese company. What did they do? Instead of taking out the something that’s not good for us, they added another chemical that would fool the USDA’s test.

As for the Chinese killer dog food – the Chinese company was trying to cut a corner by including less protein (apparently protein is expensive) in the dog food, but more of a chemical that would fool tests into thinking that there was a sufficient amount of protein in the food. This chemical just happened to be lethal to Fido.

If food came with “Made in” labels, I would be looking at them and thinking twice before I bought something “Made in China.”

For more on where our processed food comes from, you should check out “Twinkie Deconstructed” by Steve Ettlinger. Steve traces all of those multi-syllabic ingredients on a Twinkie wrapper to the places of their origin, a sort of “Where am I eating?” quest. I just started the book and, for me, it’s a bit too technical for my enjoyment, but it is pretty cool to learn that Twinkies and bombs have more in common than that they will kill you. They share ingredients!

And if you are looking for more Ohio produce Nostalgia take a peek beyond the cut.

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