2012 July | Kelsey Timmerman

I was an Eagle Scout

By Kelsey

So today is the day I’m mailing off my Eagle Scout awards to the Miami Valley Council of Boy Scout of America and the National Office. For the past few days I’ve been reminiscing about my Scout experience. I even found my Eagle application. The first paragraph includes this:

What I will major in is unknown to me at this time. I feel that I am about to reach a major crossroads in my life, and the fact that I do not know what my field of study will be is weighing on me. I enjoy writing. Science intrigues me. Business is always a possibility. I know I will find that place where I belong, my niche in life.

“I enjoy writing.” I was closer than I knew to finding my way.

One of the people mentioned having helped with my Eagle Scout service project was my cousin Brice. If you listen to the Talk of the Nation interview, I talk about Brice. He’s marrying Billy, a gay Eagle Scout. Brice and Billy, two amazing people who I’m lucky to know, are the reason I’m turning in my awards. If they aren’t good enough for Boy Scouts, neither am I.

There were also letters from my piano teacher, athletic director at my school, principal at my school, my high school English teacher Mrs. Marshall, President Clinton, Vice President Gore, and more. I have more than 50 cards from family and friends. The box bursts with badges and news clippings, pins, sashes, plaques, and even my very first Scout Book.

All of this reminded me just how big of a deal attaining Eagle was and how much fun I had along the way. The trip down memory lane didn’t make me second guess my decision, but only reaffirmed it.

Here are a few pictures from my journey…

At Philmont Scout Ranch

: With my parents at my court of honor.

: Receiving my Eagle certificate

: Standing with Adam and John. Honored to share the day with them.

: Spelunking (I’m in the red sweatshirt). At one point we were lost. Fun stuff!

: At Philmont Scout Ranch

: Overcoming an obstacle with the help of my fellow scouts.

Note: Annie, my wife, looked at these pictures and said, “What did I ever see in you?” Fortunately, I got better looking.

Mad World

Stand Up

By Kelsey

(I’m at the right, attempting to grow into my ears and noes at my 1997 Eagle Scout court of honor)

In case you haven’t heard, I have joined the ever-growing number of Eagle Scouts across the country who are turning in their awards in protest over Boy Scouts of America’s anti-gay policies.

I first announced my position here on my blog and then I cross-posted over to the Huffington Post. Three days later the Huffington Post approved the post and placed it on their front page for more than a day.

Folks at Talk of the Nation read the post and invited me on. Listen to me chatting with host Neal Conan and fielding calls.

Over the past week I’ve received an outpouring of support.

As soon as I got off the radio, Billy, the gay Eagle Scout marrying my cousin, told me that he was going to send his badge back, too.

A gay friend wrote me on Facebook: Kelsey, thank you. I read this out loud to [my partner] as I was trying to soothe our baby girl, Grace, and started to cry. It means a lot when a straight white male (with such enormous biceps) sticks up for the gays.

Each of the above was worth 10,000 negative comments.

And there were plenty of negative comments, too. I received this email from a fella by the name of Jim Miazza:

“I watched my 2 sons earn Eagle, I am gld that BSA National protected them from but f-ers like you.”

I don’t mind being on the other side of any issue with that guy!

Still, when people praise me for my stand, I sort of hang my head and take the compliment. I wish I could look into the distance, put my fists on my hips, and say something meaningful about truth, justice, and the American way. Instead I stare at the ground and mumble a thank you.

It’s been a week since all of this began and I think I’ve finally figured out why I can’t whole-heartedly accept the praise.

First, I’m sad that an organization that provided me with so many wonderful experiences continues to move in a direction that excludes an entire group of Americans.

But also…

I suffer from everybody Loves Raymond Syndrome.

I grew up in a place where there are many folks who would disagree with me. Despite our different views of the world, these people are my friends, family, fellow scouts, and neighbors. While I’m able to separate debate on issues like this from personal attacks, I worry that they won’t.

I don’t like not being liked.

Also…

I have to feed my family.

I speak at a wide array of schools of varying sizes and ideologies. This is one of the primary ways that I feed my family and spread my message. Before I stood up on this issue, I considered how this could negatively impact my relationship with such schools. Would I have invitations retracted? Would I receive fewer requests? How could speaking out negatively impact my career?

Also…

I don’t have the time.

I leave for Cote d’Ivoire in West Africa on Friday to continue researching my next book. I have a lot of writing and pre-travel loose ends to tie up. I have other things to do. I’m too busy to stand.

A friend I worked with as a SCUBA instructor in Key West wrote me: “You, my FRIEND, are a hero. Ya got the stones of a GIANT.”

I think a hero wouldn’t hesitate to stand up. I looked around, dipped my toe in the water, had a bunch of selfish thoughts, stepped back to consider some more, and then reluctantly stood.

I could have played it safe and stayed silent. I actually considered turning down Talk of the Nation. Instead, I stood and continue to do so. Tonight I’ll be speaking out on the Alan Colmes Show shortly after 11PM. I just received an email from GLAAD (Gays & Lesbians Alliance Against Defamation) wanting me to join their efforts. I will.

Standing isn’t always safe or convenient, but you do it when what’s inside of you ignores all of the reasons you shouldn’t

I stand because I value the lessons that Boy Scouts instilled in me.

I stand for my son Griffin who I hope will join Scouts if they change their anti-gay policy.

I stand for the gay scouts who shouldn’t have to stand alone.

I stand because this issue is bigger than me.

I stand not because I’m a hero, but because I’m a former Eagle Scout.

When do you stand? When have you stood for something? What was it?

Mad World

An Eagle Scout No More: Why I’m sending my badge back to Boy Scouts of America

By Kelsey

Adam and I snuggled in the woods beneath our makeshift lean-to. We were 14. We weren’t gay; we were cold. If we were gay, we would have been booted from Scouts, at least according to the discriminatory policies of the Boy Scouts of America’s national leadership.

We adhered to our own don’t ask don’t tell policy. When our Wilderness Survival merit badge instructor asked us how we survived our night alone in the woods, we left out all the details about spooning and just told him about the structural integrity of our shelter.

Adam and I both went on to become Eagle Scouts.

Now I’m worried about the moral integrity of Boy Scouts of America and whether they can stay relevant and survive in the 21st century.

SCOUTS HELPED MAKE ME WHO I AM

When you spend a few nights in the woods alone at such a young age hiking, camping, and navigating, you learn a lot about yourself. You learn what hunger and exhaustion feel like, what darkness and silence are. You gain confidence that you can go without, and that you can provide for yourself in almost any situation.

But we probably learned more from each other. There were boys from the farm, city, and trailer parks in our troop. There were several kids with mental and physical disabilities. We learned to accept one another and work together. We learned lessons that are exactly opposite of Boy Scouts of America’s decision to double down on discriminating against gay scouts and scout leaders.

When I joined Scouts, I couldn’t flip a pancake. I weighed less than 90 pounds. I hiked to the summit of mountains carrying a pack half my body weight where the wind was so strong that the leaders had to hang onto me so I wouldn’t blow away. We made shelters. We canoed. We built fires. We got lost in a cave.

I learned what adventure was and along the way who I was.

Scouts helped make me who I am. Today as an author and journalist I travel alone to parts of the world I can’t pronounce. I accept cultures and people in their own terms. I try to look past our differences and see our similarities.

To this day I can still recite the Scout Oath, although I now think the line “to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight,” should be changed to “sexually straight” because apparently that’s what BSA means.

To be clear, I doubt troop 184 in Union City, Indiana, would have booted anyone for being gay. I think our leaders recognized that no matter what orientation or affiliation a boy had, they could benefit from what Boy Scouts had to offer.

Gay or straight, everyone should know how to build a fire, swim, and tie a bowline.

I WAS AN EAGLE SCOUT

I was proud to be an Eagle Scout, but now I’m turning in my Eagle Scout badge.

Seriously. I’m mailing it to the Boys Scouts of America with this post and I encourage other Eagle scouts to do the same. Send your Eagle Scout badge to:

The National Boy Scouts of America
1325 W. Walnut Hill Lane
Irving, Texas 75015-2079

The independence, confidence, leadership, and moral compass that Scouts instilled in me, forces me to speak out against their discrimination against gay boys and leaders.

When they decide to change their policies, they can mail my Eagle badge back to me.

Let’s not take this out on our local troops. It’s not fair to the boys. I’m speaking out to protect them. I would be thrilled if my son was interested in scouting. But if BSA goes another 12 years with this policy, there might not be any local troops to protect and support.

Mad World

USA Olympic uniforms made in China

By Kelsey

You can barely press an on button in the last 24 hours and not see someone in Congress complaining that the USA’s Olympic uniforms designed by Ralph Lauren were made in China.

This is grandstanding except when it isn’t

Yes, it’s an election year, but one of the most outspoken members of Congress Senator Sherrod Brown has always been outspoken on this issue. He suggested that Hugo Boss could have designed the uniforms and manufactured them in his home state of Ohio where they have a factory.

I had no idea Hugo Boss had a factory in Ohio. Brown’s point is a good one: Yes, 97% of our clothes are made overseas, but there are factories here that still could have done the job.

He’s not grandstanding.

As for the other members of Congress who I’ve never heard speak on this issue before… they totally are. This is an easy issue to look good on. Members of Congress are practically fighting for the mic to complain about this.

No help from taxpayers

The United States is one of the few countries in the world that doesn’t financially support their athletes.

From the ESPN article China-made U.S. Uniforms Rise Ire:

“Unlike most Olympic teams around the world, the U.S. Olympic Team is privately funded and we’re grateful for the support of our sponsors,” USOC spokesman Patrick Sandusky said in a statement. “We’re proud of our partnership with Ralph Lauren, an iconic American company, and excited to watch America’s finest athletes compete at the upcoming Games in London.”

The USOC has also partnered with BP post-oil spill and BMW. A lot of the money going to support our athletes is from outside our own country already. It’s hard to complain about the USOC not supporting American businesses when American businesses aren’t supporting them.

To be fair, there are plenty of American businesses supporting the USOC, but my point is that the scramble for private funding has led to them casting a net beyond our border.

Made in China

The mic members of Congress talks into complaining about made in China uniforms was more than likely made in China.

The shoes they walked to the mic in were also probably made in China.

So are the Blackberries and iPhones from which they tweet their disgust.

If they want to tackle the larger outsourcing issues, have at it. But don’t ignore the loss of U.S. manufacturing 99% of the time and complain about made in China when it’s convenient and good photo-op.

What do you think? Should Team USA’s uniforms be made in the USA?

Engaged Consumer

2012 Common Reading Programs

By Kelsey

Winthrop Students receives copy of WHERE AM I WEARING?

I am blown away by the amount of schools using WEARING in their common reader programs this year.

In case you are wondering what a common reading program is: They are typically directed at freshmen. Every freshmen gets a copy of the book and participates in discussion sessions about the book in the Fall. Normally they invite the author to speak as well.

From 2008-2011 eights schools have used WEARING as a common reader. This year the following schools are using it (I’ve noted when I’m visiting the campus):

Ball State University - 9/18/12
Texas State – 9/26, 9/27
Winthrop University – 10/3, 10/4
Cedar Crest College – 10/11, 10/12
Georgia Highlands College - ?

Also, the community of Rome, Georgia, is reading WEARING this summer. I visit Rome on 10/9.

I am honored to share the stories of the workers I met on my trip with all of the above and how meeting them changed me forever.

I can’t wait to visit the schools and Rome. I love speaking to an audience even if they haven’t read my book (which I’ll be doing at Georgetown College, Rutgers, and Lindenwood University this fall), but there’s something really special about standing in front of a few hundred to a few thousand folks who’ve spent hours traveling with me page-by-page.

Most of my events are open to the public. If I’m in your area, please come and laugh at my jokes. And of course, if I’m not in your area and you would like me to visit your university or group, you could always invite me to speak.

This Writer’s Life

The Facing Project: Looking foreword

By Kelsey

The Facing Project is really taking off. J.R. Jamison, my co-founder, knows a ton of people who are interested. We’re not just talking in Indiana, but in other countries. We’re not just talking a small group, but campus-wide projects and mayoral commissions. I promised I would follow up my introductory post about the project with the foreword to the initial project we launched in Muncie with the help of TEAMwork for Quality Living. Here it is…

(Oh, one more thing. I’d love it if you liked the Facing Project on Facebook. We’re almost up to 100 likes)

Every Community has a story. What’s yours?

Poverty is a hot button issue in the Muncie and Delaware County communities, as it is nationally, and internationally. We argue about how to define poverty and when, how much, and if to help those living in poverty.

Somewhere between 8,000 to 23,000 Muncie residents live in poverty. But as you crack open this book, I want you to think about a different statistic: One.

Do you know one person living in poverty? And if you are living in poverty, do you know one person who isn’t?
The writers and subjects of the 21 stories and poems to follow do.

Facing Poverty enlisted writers in the community to tell the stories of individuals and families living below the poverty line as well as those citizens actively helping those living in poverty.

For two months, writers and those facing poverty from all angles met up to share stories. Maybe you saw us at IHOP or Starbucks or walking down the street chatting. We shared stories of triumph and tragedy, of loneliness and community, of hate and happiness, of deep depression and lofty goals.

The writers listened and jotted notes, and then they did something a bit uncomfortable: They took on the voice and persona of their subjects and wrote as if they were them. The “I” that you’ll read about in most of the stories does not represent the writer. The “I” represents a forced empathy in which the writer had to write in the first person as someone else, someone else who remains anonymous. They walked through their stories. Tried them on. Carried the feelings and emotions.

They did something all of their subjects had already done: They faced poverty.

I’d like to personally thank the organizations, including LifeStream, TEAMwork for Quality Living, Muncie Mission, CASA, Habitat for Humanity, Christian Ministries, and Pathstone for introducing us to the amazing folks they serve and the volunteers who help them. Without their support, this book wouldn’t be possible.

I especially wish to thank Muncie Civic Theatre and Lorel Lloyd as well as Dr. Michale Daehn and Ball State University theater education students for interpretive readings of many of these stories. Their involvement in the project has made this a key part of the Delaware County Poverty Awareness week.

Molly Flodder of TEAMwork for Quality Living headed up the outreach to our partners and also poured her heart and soul into editing this project as did Linda Gregory, Betty Wingrove, Annemarie Voss and Hal Roepke.

Alec Brenneman, a recent Ball State grad, and Chelsea Roberts, a soon-to-be Ball State grad, played a crucial role in wrangling writers – an activity that is right up there in level of difficulty with cat herding.

Our special thanks goes to Pat Marin of Marin & Marin Design and to Rich Michael of Spencer Printing for taking this collection of stories to something you can hold in your hand and keep on your bookshelf. And mot of all, we thank the George and Frances Ball Foundation for the grant that supported the publishing of this book.

In closing, the writers gave their time and ability. And the subjects gave us all an even greater gift: their stories.

Regardless of where you stand on the debates that surround poverty, I hope you’ll approach these stories with an open mind and heart. You can argue about statistics, but you can’t argue with stories.

If you are facing poverty or want to help those who are, please visit https://bit.ly/facingpoverty for information on local organizations that can help.

Kelsey Timmerman
Author of Where Am I Wearing and Muncie Resident

Giving Back

A parent’s apology to couples without kids

By Kelsey

The young couple jokes and laughs over their entrees. She forks him some steak. He spoons her some soup. I imagine delicately slamming their faces into their mashed potatoes. But when our 1-year-old chucks his milk, splattering it everywhere, and our three year-old-starts to cry about us not letting her sit upside down on the table with an elephant (or something), I look at them and apologize.

Maybe they looked at us while we juggled toy cell phones, sippy cups, and outrageous demands, and they thought, “We are SO glad we don’t have any kids,” or maybe they thought our kids were charming in their own unique way and a discussion on becoming parents began.

Maybe they didn’t think of us at all. But we thought of them.

We’ve only been parents for 3.5 years, which doesn’t seem like an amount of time you could forget what it’s like to only feed yourself at a restaurant or only wipe your HANDS. But we have.

We envy the couple. They have more than 30 seconds to themselves each day. They can read books that don’t rhyme and aren’t about using the potty. They can have a hobby other than stacking rubber blocks and Legos.

“Remember when we were awesome,” a friend with four kids told me. I wrote a post about our conversation. We could be romantic on a whim. We could pull all nighters working. We could pursue an array of projects, interests, and passions.

But now we’re parents.

“I would write/read/exercise/volunteer more if I didn’t have kids.” I don’t verbalize this, but I think it a lot. I’m guessing other parents do too. At times I look at couples with no kids and hold their childlessness against them because I’m jealous.

There. I said it. I’m jealous of couples with no kids. I’m jealous of their time. I know other parents who’ve hinted at the same thing.

I’m not sure it’s correct to think that I would write more or accomplish more if we didn’t have kids. Maybe I would just watch a lot more movies and play more video games. I would love to play more videogames. I don’t play any, but I SO could. Kids need to eat and they need diapers and they need college educations and stuff like that, which are all things that push me to do my work more for two reasons:

1) I’m responsible for providing all of these things;

2) I believe my work makes the world a better place.

(Maybe you think #2 is a little boastful, but everyone should be doing something that they feel makes the world a better place for the next generation. If you don’t feel that your job is making the world a better place, you aren’t doing the thing you are meant to be doing.)

Regardless of the reason (choice, biology, etc) a couple is childless, envying them isn’t fair. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that when you mentioned your quick weekend vacation that was 10 times longer than any vacation we’ve had in 3.5 years that I rolled my eyes. I’m sorry I imagined slamming your face into mashed potatoes. I’m sorry I imagined setting my son’s biohazard diapers on your front porch, setting it on fire, and ringing the door bell.

I adore my kids. If you’ve read about my homesickness you know that. I have a month-long trip coming up and I’m already almost in tears about it.

As much as I envy them, I also feel sorry for them. Again, this isn’t fair. Sorry.

When couples who don’t have kids have a bad day, they don’t get to come home to funny little people who call them mom or dad, who make them forget about all their troubles. Some days I’m not a good writer, I’m not productive, I get bad news, but when I go home and little arms wrap around my knees and little smiles are smiled in my direction, nothing else matters. No matter how bad of a writer I am, I can always be a good dad.

If you are reading this and don’t have kids, let me explain this to you: You know how a dog can make you forget that you sucked at work or that your boss yelled at you? Well, being a parent is like 10 times the feel good a dog can give you, unless of course your kid is being a brat and then you wish you could throw them in a cage. But that’s a whole other blog post.

Do you envy couples without kids? Do you envy couples with kids?

This Writer’s Life