An Uncle's Job

My brother, Kyle, and his wife, Jenn, just welcomed their first child into the world.

Max Timmerman weighed in at 6lbs 9oz and was born yesterday a few skips from Houston’s Space Center. The sky’s the limit for Max. He’s got two really smart parents one of who – my brother – is a bit of doofus, but he’ll be okay.

I’ve been a proud uncle to Annie’s sister’s kids, Jared and Cale, for six years now, but it’s different with your own bro’s kids, you know? I feel like I have a little more latitude to teach Max the important things in life: how to spit, how to cuss, how to sneak sips of beer when the adults aren’t looking.

I just signed him up for lifetime subscriptions to Playboy, GQ, Esquire, the New York Times, and the New Yorker. I actually didn’t. But that’s the kind of uncle I want to be (minus the Playboy which would get me in a lot of trouble with Max’s mom).

An uncle’s job is to teach a boy all the things his mom won’t let his father teach him.

It will be an absolute honor, my man, Max.