Big Butter Jesus is Toast
I’m not one to laugh about flaming religious icons, but there’s just something about a flaming Big Butter Jesus that cracks me up.
I try to justify it by thinking how tacky and wasteful a 60-foot, $500,000 Styrofoam Jesus is, but I still feel somewhat guilty about it. Look, every religion has their excessive spending – Buddha statues, the Taj Mahal, the Vatican. So who am I to wisecrack about Big Butter? I defer to Heywood Banks on the issue.
In the lyrics of his song Big Butter Jesus, Banks sings, “‘No graven images’ that’s one of the commandments…”
That makes me feel a little better. I don’t think it was invented back then, but I’m pretty sure that by “graven” Jesus meant Styrofoam. Still, I feel that it’s always a bit lazy to rifle through religious texts until you find the one thing that justifies your beliefs. But, feeling guilty or not, that won’t stop me from believing that a blazing Big Butter Jesus is hilarious.
Here’s Banks’ new verse to the song (as read in the Dayton Daily News):
“One night Big Butter got hit by lightning/It burned to the frame wire in a giant grease fire. Some blamed it on Satan, and boy, that would be frightening/But I thought it was Jesus’ father who was in charge of lightning.”
And The new chorus:
“Big fireball Jesus, flaming shot Jesus, charbroiled Jesus, Opa! Jesus, extra crispy Jesus, bananas foster Jesus, I’m put out it’s not Jesus, Charcoal-y O Lord.”
Watch this and let me know how it makes you feel. It cracks me up.
If anything, I think the lesson here is if you are going to spend $500K on a religious icon, for Christ’s sakes don’t make it out of Styrofoam.
UPDATE: Koop, from the comments, took a shot at a new verse to Big Butter Jesus. Here it is…
You are correct, sir. Hilarious. Bananas foster. . . trying to stifle laughter. . . failing.
Here is my shot at an extra verse to Big Butter Jesus. Hope you like it. Feel free to post it.
Thanks Koop! Enjoyed it and added your rendition above.
Thanks Kelsey! I am thrilled to see it here.
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