Big Butter Jesus is Toast

I’m not one to laugh about flaming religious icons, but there’s just something about a flaming Big Butter Jesus that cracks me up.

I try to justify it by thinking how tacky and wasteful a 60-foot, $500,000 Styrofoam Jesus is, but I still feel somewhat guilty about it. Look, every religion has their excessive spending - Buddha statues, the Taj Mahal, the Vatican. So who am I to wisecrack about Big Butter? I defer to Heywood Banks on the issue.

In the lyrics of his song Big Butter Jesus, Banks sings, “‘No graven images’ that’s one of the commandments…”

That makes me feel a little better. I don’t think it was invented back then, but I’m pretty sure that by “graven” Jesus meant Styrofoam. Still, I feel that it’s always a bit lazy to rifle through religious texts until you find the one thing that justifies your beliefs. But, feeling guilty or not, that won’t stop me from believing that a blazing Big Butter Jesus is hilarious.

Here’s Banks’ new verse to the song (as read in the Dayton Daily News):

“One night Big Butter got hit by lightning/It burned to the frame wire in a giant grease fire. Some blamed it on Satan, and boy, that would be frightening/But I thought it was Jesus’ father who was in charge of lightning.”

And The new chorus:

“Big fireball Jesus, flaming shot Jesus, charbroiled Jesus, Opa! Jesus, extra crispy Jesus, bananas foster Jesus, I’m put out it’s not Jesus, Charcoal-y O Lord.”

Watch this and let me know how it makes you feel. It cracks me up.

If anything, I think the lesson here is if you are going to spend $500K on a religious icon, for Christ’s sakes don’t make it out of Styrofoam.

UPDATE: Koop, from the comments, took a shot at a new verse to Big Butter Jesus. Here it is…