Cat Crap Fever

Not sure if you know this or not, but we live in a world where cats crap in toilets.

You doubt this?

Allow me to introduce you to the Litter Kwitter. It’s a potty training system for your cat, of course.

I’m always amazed at the dumb marketing copy that companies think up. The Litter Kwitter folks say that they’re product “improves people’s lives.” If the presence of a litter box is disturbing the quality of your life, I feel really sorry for you.

They also claim that the Litter Kwitter system is “award winning,” as if there actually is an award for cat pooping systems.

I’m not the chief poop scooper in our house, but I would sooner take on the responsibility than allow the introduction of the Litter Kwitter. Oreo already slaps me in the face, looks down at me from literal and figurative high places, and continually finds ways to stick her butt in my face. But no matter what she does or how she treats me, I can look at her and say, “Look, you poop in a tiny little box of sand. Don’t feel too good about yourself.”

The Litter Kwitter is nothing but a kitty conspiracy to rob men of their thrones. I imagine walking into the bathroom with my reading material and, while I’m about to drop trowel, Oreo jumping onto the toilet seat and giving me a “seat’s taken, stupid biped” look.

The Litter Kwitter people must be stopped! If we don’t stand up against this now, sitting down on our thrones may never be the same.