Mrs. Butterworth’s boobs
Where did Mrs. Butterworth’s boobs go?
When I was kid she was much shapelier. Now, she’s as flat as a pancake.
There are only two reasons why they could have disappeared (none of which is that she is old and gravity plays on such things – because Mrs. Butterworth is ageless):
1) Economics – Pinnacle Food Company, which produces Mrs. Butterworth, decided that they could make a greater profit if they flattened her out, thus robbing consumers of two D-cups of her sweet nectar.
2) Prudishness – After decades of children and adult alike fondling the syrup maven, our culture cannot handle inanimate objects with anatomy.
Banished by corporate greed or by our ultra-conservative culture, Mrs. Butterworth’s boobs are gone.
I miss them.
Now when I’m holding Mrs. B upside down, there is no matronly shelf to rest my index finger upon. Instead, my finger slides down her midriff and onto her hands clasped at her waist, as if to console her.
She’s the saint of syrup with her halo of dried mapley goodness just below her cap, but she’s also a woman. A woman robbed of her womanliness.
Shame on Pinnacle Foods. Shame on us all for sitting idly and allowing them to perform a double mastectomy on our momma of maple.
Haha! Nice rant, Kels. Though I am a staunch proponent of maple syrup actually containing maple syrup, I have fond memories of childhood breakfasts with a bountifully busomed Mrs. Butterworth.
Maple syrup is overrated. Give me my high-fructose corn syrup!
You’re living a lie, Kels!
Better to live a lie than to be a syrup snob.
I agree with Kels. High-fructose corn syrup, please. And really, Kyle, does the bottle actually say MAPLE syrup? No. Mrs. Butterworth’s says ORIGINAL syrup. Mmmmmmm, yummy.
Jenn, glad to hear that you aren’t a syrup snob. Really, who has the time to tap a tree a wait until your pancakes are covered with a sufficient amount of syrup? Apparently Kyle. What a Loser.
I may have my citizenship revoked for saying this but I’m on the high-fructose, voluptuous side. Real maple syrup is overrated. You have to add sugar to make it taste good anyway.
We should petition Pinnacle Foods. I mean, what is the company without its two most famous pinnacles?
I have long since boycotted Mrs. Butterworth for her breast reduction surgery.
As Seth said in “Superbad”…. ‘That’s like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.’
You’re all living in the matrix.
Kent – Wow! If you need an American sponsor to help you get into the country, let me know. Nice play on Pinnacles. How’d I miss that one?
Matt – So you’re more of an Aunt Jemima kinda guy, huh? You know what they say…Once you go Aunt Jemima you never go back.
Kyle – Have you seen life outside the Matrix? Everybody’s clothes are torn and they look stinky and pale. Please, leave me plugged in.
please Kels… I got nothing on “D-cups of sweet nectar” That is some golden-brown writing!
Kyle – That oatmealish goo they were eating looked like it could really use some Ms. Butterworth’s. Admit it!
Kent – Thanks. Although, I did feel somewhat disturbed as I pondered what cup-size Mrs. Butterworth wore.
Hey there, Kels, Kyle, Jenn, Matt & Kent! You guys sure jump right in with all kinds of views when Kels writes about the stuff that “really matter.”
I think the number of comments on Mrs Butterworth’s boobs is about the same as the comments on spit.
Who knew this is what your readership gets passionate about: spit and syrup
Imagine a post about spitting syrup…
You’re hot!
It’s the chest hair, isn’t it?
They also took the 2% butter out, now at 0%.
better pure natural honey than maple syrup / sugar syrup
You know, I noticed this, too. I grew up in NE Ohio, a large maple syrup producing area. I used to sip sap from sugar maple trees, which tastes like cold maple flavored water (so good) but in spite of that, I have always been a Mrs. Butterworth’s fan. And even as a small child, I realized she had an epic rack. As an adult I became disenchanted with the fact that the bottle was plastic instead of glass and for no apparent reason her tits were gone. Thank god they haven’t screwed around with the Land ‘O Lakes butter packaging.
Mr Timmerman,
I was fortunate enough to stumble upon this wonderful piece of nostalgic prose whilst devouring some delicious almond custard French toast this morning.
I had added some butter to our Mrs Butterworths syrup and warmed it to make it taste more like it did when I was a boy in the mid 60’s. I was googling to determine whether or not to the recipe had changed when I found it. Thank you for the take.
BTW, I heated up my empty bottle in the oven and very gently restored her voluptuousness, now I just refill that bottle.
Not a blogger, but I thoroughly enjoyed all your comments
Great article. My husband and I were just discussing whether or not Mrs. Butterworth had changed shape over the years. I insisted she had, but he needed proof. The pictures I found were all front shots, so they didn’t really support my theory. Your article proved it. I won! Yay! Thanks for posting.
I, too, am sad that they made her flat. Clearly, the company did this to satisfy sexually frustrated puritans who are disgusted with THEMSELVES for getting excited about a plastic bottle with boobs! LOL An iconic bottle, loved by most, has been altered to remove all vestiges of femininity. Sad.
And I am still missing the beautiful Indian woman of Land O Lakes butter. There was nothing wrong with that. She was a beautiful symbol of another era and it makes me sick that our country is so messed up that they cannot appreciate beauty anymore and have to take EVERYTHING as an insult to their race. NOW, the ‘beautiful’ people are obese with purple hair, pierced noses, and multiple sexes wrapped up all into one. THAT’S perfectly fine. Put such a person on Land O Lakes or make a bottle like that and no one would say a word.
Good Morning to all.
It is morning time here in the Central Valley of California. More specifically, 6:30 a.m
Sitting at my secretary this morning and was thinking about breakfast, waffles with maple syrup?, asked myself. Then “I” responded to
myself, and said, “I want the “Breakfast of Champions”(especially since he was at the bar most of the previous night). In response to I’s statement, and thinking for myself, stood over my secretary and reached to the overhead shelf, grabbed my bottle of Crown Royal, maple flavored of course, and filled the shot glass to the brim.
Then “Me” decided to interject his comment into my conversation with “I” with respect to waffles for breakfast and with maple syrup.
There myself was in retrospect, thinking about Mrs. Buttercups (in D) and how sweet Mrs. Butterworth’s figurine bottle felt in the palm of my hand. The fine 24 oz’s of her goodness just drooling over my cakes.
I then snapped myself out of retrospect, and shouted, “What happened to her tits? Myself could only say is, go to whereamiwearing.com for the answer he so sadly sought.
Myself agreed with I and we had two Breakfast of Champions in order to avoid the emotions soon to come upon “I”.
Have a Good Morning all.