Wal-Mart Crusade: Take One
I have to go. I love seeing world’s collide. Besides, I’m out of shaving cream and I’m on the last page of my notebook.
2:10 – The quest to find Wal-Mart begins. I set one rule: I’m not allowed to say anything other than “Wal-Mart.” All I have is an address and a vague idea – very vague as it turns out – of where it is.
2:13 – Return to hotel. Forgot metro card.
2:18 – See two school girls on a teeter-totter wearing matching uniforms and eating popsicles – a perfect photo op. After I snap a few photos, they offer me one of the seats. I teeter-totter.
2:22 – Head for metro.
2:30 – An old woman checks out my lower half. I’m guessing that she’s never seen such hairy legs. I do a zipper check just in case. The barn door is open. Oops. I shut it.
2:38 – I’m trying to board the train and, despite being the largest one, I’m getting pushed around. A man with one leg shoves me aside with a crutch and butts in front of me. I’ll admit it – I consider pushing back. I don’t.
2:43 – As the train comes to a stop air rushes up my shorts. This feels nice.
2:59 – I have to switch metros from Line 1 to Line 3.
3:00 – I’m lost.
3:11 – I find the right train and get on.
3:46 – Arrive to bus station where I think I have to take a bus 30 minutes to the city where the Wal-Mart is located.
3:52 – The bus ride to Dongguan is two hours. Doggonit, Dongguan is just too far away to make the trip today. I abandon the quest.
If you want to know how the trip back went, reverse the above timeline. That’s pretty much how it happened again, except for my zipper being down.
Don’t worry. I’m not giving up on Wal-Mart. I have to shave sometime.
when you get that face shaved get a hair cut too..
ha… I’d love to know what went through that old woman’s mind.
Justin, You can bet that Annie will be wanting to cut my hair the day I get home. She informed me, “You look like a nerd with your hair and your glasses.”
Joel, I bet she was thinking, “I’m so staring at that man’s crotch. I just can’t help myself. Maybe I should start attending the weekly meetings of CWA (Crotch Watchers Anonymous) again.