First there was exercise. And then there was jazzercise. Now, let me introduce you to Chinercise.

The morning and evening rituals of many Chinese people over the age of 45 involves lots of flapping, clapping, and general jiggling about. The best I can tell, they try to move as much as possible without actually sweating. The important thing is to look like you are exercising, even if that “exercise” is simply grabbing your beer belly and shaking it.

Advanced Chinercisers take a normal activity and give it the ol’ Chinercise twist.

Walking is mundane enough, but not so interesting. But walking backwards…now you’re Chinercising, baby.

Jumping rope requires too much equipment, most notably a rope. Through the wonder of Chinersise you don’t need one. Hop up and down, twirl your arms at your waist, and watch the tourists give your imaginary rope a wide berth. Stupid tourists.

1 Billion Chinese can’t be wrong. Sign up for your Chinercise class today.

Testimonial from your instructor, Kelsey Timmerman:

“Before I discovered Chinercise I was like a fortune cookie with no fortune, Kung Pow chicken without the POW, but now my life has new meaning. The freeness of this ancient art allows for each individual practitioner to express themselves creatively and spiritually. I gave birth to the hop-backwards-on-one-leg-while-rubbing-your-belly-with-one-hand-and-pounding-your-left-butt-cheek-with-your-other exercise. It’s easy. It’s fun. It will expand your mind and your brain.”

Classes start soon. Sign up today for our lowest price ever….Your Dignity!

Kent says:

Don’t knock it till you try it Kelsey. I lost 3oz and a whole 1/8 of an inch of my midsection after just 3 years of Chinercise. It put the POW in my chicken!

Kelsey says:

Knock it? Chinercise is the future. I hope to be the Richard Simmons of Chinercise!

Kelsey S. says:

I would like to sign up please. When do classes begin and who do I need to sign my dignity over to??

Kelsey says:

Kelsey S., It’s never too late to sign-up for Chinercise. Unfortunately, you did miss our special offer in which you could join the class for the low cost of your dignity. But still, I think you will find our standard rate of your dignity + ten easy payments of $19.99 quite reasonable.

You can write your first installment out to Mr. Kelsey T. Welcome to the class.

Lesson 1: start slapping yourself.

Let your voice be heard!