This Writer’s Life | Kelsey Timmerman

“I can’t help everyone, but I can help some.”

By Kelsey

As much as I love meeting students at universities when I visit to speak, meeting the faculty is pretty cool too.

After a recent talk at West Texas A&M I had a chance to talk travel with a few faculty. One of the professors was a horse trainer who told a hilarious story about being invited to Saudi Arabia to judge racing camels. Another was Dr. James Hallmark, Provost/Vice President of Academic Affairs. James (we’re Facebook friends, so I’ll drop the formalities) told a rip-roaring tale about traveling in Turkey and how he thought he had been abducted by al Qaeda.

Following my visit, James wrote an editorial for the Amarillo Globe News about my visit. In Consider Where Our Clothes Are Made James writes this:

We have been blessed with much and much is expected of us. Is it too much to ask for us to consider how our clothes are made or to feed a hungry child?

Jesus’ statement “the poor you will have with you always” is an indictment of our selfishness more than a statement about the poor. We will always have the poor because those of us with means abdicate our responsibility to feed, clothe, shelter and educate the poor. We will always have the poor because governments like those in Somalia will prevent us from feeding the hungry in their own country.

I can’t help everyone, but I can help some.

My visit inspired James to write this and now his words have inspired me.

James message is one that I hope all the students I talked with walked away with. And it’s one to which we sing our baby boy Griffin to sleep every night.

Giving Back, Glocal, Mad World, This Writer’s Life

The Decision to be a stay-at-home family

By Kelsey

Our co-workers / bosses

—

I’m upstairs in my office and Annie, my ninja warrior stay-at-home-mom wife, is downstairs juggling our two kids.

Someone once told me that being a parent is one of the hardest and best jobs you’ll ever have. I believe it. I’ve had Harper (2), and Griffin (4-months) on my own for a few sweaty, poop-filled, patience-trying days. It was great, but exhausting.

In 1970, 70% of mothers stayed at home with their children. Today only 25% of mothers are stay-at-home moms (SAHM). Obviously what has changed is that mothers love their kids less than they did in 1970, right?

I’m kidding.

Back in the Mad Men days a man could work and earn enough to support his family (and keep them encircled in a cloud of cigarette smoke). Today we live in Mad Days in which the cost of living has gone up and income hasn’t, necessitating that the average household have two incomes.

As much as I’d like to say that our decision to have Annie stay at home with the kids was one we made, it was one her employer made for us. No, she didn’t get fired. But when you work for a doctor, as Annie did, and that doctor decides to provide $0, nada, not a penny toward health insurance, the decision is kind of made for you. That’s right, a doctor who earns a living offering treatments that no individual without health insurance can afford, doesn’t offer his employees health insurance. Kinda makes the Hippocratic Oath look more like the Hypocritic Oath, doesn’t it?

With my nontraditional job, if Annie is going to work, then her job needs to have health insurance because the benefits of my job as a vagabonding, writer/speaker, freelance troublemaker dude don’t go much beyond the luxury of being able to work in my pajamas all day. When our second child was born, we were paying a $307/month premium for insurance that had a $6,000 deductible. Anthem, our provider, didn’t send Griffin a birthday card in the mail, but instead a note saying that they were raising our premium to $450/month – that’s like a mortgage payment in Indiana! We decided to up our deductible to $11,000 to bring our premium down to a “reasonable” $330/month.

$11,000! And people are against healthcare reform!

Add in Annie’s 40-mile round-trip drive to and from work and the cost of daycare, and Annie working – at least at her previous job – just didn’t make sense. We crunched the numbers and we saw what Annie’s working gained us at the end of each month and then we had a, “Wait, you’re working and we’re paying someone else to raise our kids, why?” moment.

When people ask me what I do for a living and I tell them, they nod in interest and usually ask a few questions. Beneath that nod and in those questions is the underlying vibe: “Sure you make a living doing this, buddy.” And then the question comes up: “Does your wife work?” This can be translated as, “You have a sugar momma, right?” But now when I say that she doesn’t work, I get the “not bad, much respect” look and a pat on the back.

In their mind I go from being a mooch to the provider.

Me provider. Me kill stuff and drag it home. Ooga booga!

Annie provided me with the time and encouragement to develop a career that could support our family. She provides me with the ability to have a nontraditional career, yet enjoy all the rewards of a traditional life. I recently wrote a post about all of the things that Annie provides me. You tell me who the provider is?

We are a boss-less family. If we could afford a vacation, we wouldn’t have to ask for days off. We can’t be fired. We don’t accrue PTO; we accrue moments together each day (Harper, Griffin, and I played in a tent this morning. Now Griffin is napping and Annie and Harper are making Halloween cookies). We’ve replaced the security of a weekly paycheck with hustle and passion and a budget.

Between 2008 and 2010, the number of stay-at-home mothers fell from 5.3 million to 5 million. Some criticize the decision to stay at home and make some irrefutable reasons why a woman shouldn’t. But in a time where the trend is against staying at home, we’re bucking the trend.

We’ve decided to raise and make our own future. It’s terrifyingly awesome.

This Writer’s Life

My wife the ninja!

By Kelsey

This is why no one messes with me. Annie is a stay-at-home-mom by day and a crime-fighting ninja by night.

This Writer’s Life

Steve Jobs: iDad

By Kelsey

Steve Jobs was the creator of the iPod, iPhone, iTunes, Pixar, computers that actually run, and a technology empire, but if you asked him what his greatest role in life was, he would answer: iDad. Here’s Jobs on fatherhood:

“It’s 10,000 times better than anything I’ve ever done.”

(from the New York Times)

We went to the park tonight and had another picnic just like we did the night before. That’s how we roll. There’s no better job than being a dad and there’s no greater creation than a child.

Griffin and I hope your weekend is off to as good of a start as ours. Nothing beats a picnic at a park and some quality public hand chewing.

This Writer’s Life

An alibi of 6 states, 6 schools, 7 days

By Kelsey

If I’m suspected of committing any crimes in Muncie, Indiana, over the past week, I have a string of good alibis. I haven’t been home.

I talked at Ashland University in Ohio on September 22nd and 23rd. From the student newspaper: “The man waving a pair of boxers above his head on the stage in Hugo Young Theatre Sept. 22 has possibly investigated more pairs of underwear than most of us own.”

I got home Friday evening and left early, early Sunday morning for Arkansas. (Okay, so maybe there were a few hours for me to commit some crime against society, but I was tired.)

I spoke at Centenary College in Shreveport on Monday. From their press release: “Timmerman began his talk by showing a pair of boxers to the students.” I don’t think that’s a crime. Centenary College had one of the first Glocal offices I’ve ever come across. They call it the Office of Global Engagement. Students have to meet an intercultural requirement, which usually involves a study abroad experience, and they also have a local volunteer requirement. They are producing glocals. How awesome is that?

Then it was off to Texas A&M Texarkana where “Where Am I Wearing?” was selected as their freshman common reader. (Texarkana College students also joined us for a few events.) I stayed in the dorm, which is not as bad as it sounds, and actually quite nice. I had an invite to stay up all night doing nails and talking metaphysics and boys, but I was too tired. The faculty was great, especially Ashlee Spearman who took me from place to place. By the end of my visit and countless chats with classes Ashlee could field most of the questions students asked me. We were also involved in a golf cart accident. I’ve been in worse golf cart accidents.

On Wednesday I flew to West Texas A&M where I was met by Kendra Campbell and Amy Andersen wearing “Where Am I Wearing? / Check the Tag!” shirts! That made me feel special right off the bat. President O’Brien invited us over for dinner and we had way more utensils than were needed. The steak was like butter! Seriously, you could cut it with your fork. It was a fancy shindig, but that didn’t stop me from smearing chocolate cake all over the crotch of my pants. I also learned that when someone invited you to sit down in the dining room, they actually mean to stand behind your chair until the hostess takes her seat. I was the only one sitting at the table and everyone else was standing. Awkward! The great thing was that despite the formal setting, everyone was really down-to-earth and SO passionate about connecting students to the world.

At the freshman convocation where I was the featured speaker, I had to wear regalia, but no one told me what I had to wear under my regalia. I wore my Jingle These boxers over my blue jeans. It was such an honor to talk to 1,200 folks, most of whom had read my book and knew the story of Arifa and all of the other garment workers I met on my journey.

On Friday WTAMU professors Nick Gerlich and Kris Drumheller arranged for me to visit Palo Duro high school. It was homecoming and everyone was wearing ginormous mums. Palo Duro was one of the most diverse high schools I’ve ever seen. I talked with the junior and seniors and then visited some individual classes. One class had students from Thailand, Laos, Kenya, and Ethiopia. Because of that I might be able to forgive them for not knowing what I was talking about when I made a Bon Jovi reference.

After Palo Duro. I spray painted Cadillacs, which is pretty much a must if you visit Amarillo.

It was an amazing week. When I set out on the journey that became “Where Am I Wearing?” I had no idea I would ever get the chance to share the story of the workers I met on this level. It’s an absolute honor and a whole lot of fun!

Engaged Consumer, Featured Story, This Writer’s Life

A slow clap for stay-at-home moms

By Kelsey

I’m on stage. She’s putting the kids to bed.

A thousand set of eyeballs stare at me. Two stare at her.

My words inspire laughter, hers tears.

When I’m done, I’m rewarded with a standing ovation. She’s rewarded with silence.

I hear: “Good job. Well done. Thank you.”

She hears: a ticking clock, a baby rustling, a lullaby singing.

Everyone wants to know what my wife, Annie, thinks of all my adventures and if she wants to come along. She doesn’t. We’re different like that.

I’ve been away for the past week and I miss Annie, who recently became a stay-at-home mom, and our kids. I can’t wait to pick up my daughter, Harper, and twirl her. She’ll ask about her promised surprise and I’ll reveal her new cowboy hat — her Texas cowboy hat. She’ll demand to ride her Fischer Price horse, Old Paint. But before we go to play, I’ll give my baby boy Griffin a kiss on both of his chubby cheeks and tell Annie, “I love you. I missed you.”

Over the past week I’ve traveled to three states to speak at five schools. Students often tell me that they want my job or, this is kind of embarrassing, that they want to be me. I love what I do. I’m honored to do it and I couldn’t imagine doing anything else for a living, but the thing that gives me the most joy in life is my family. Most everybody has one.

It’s normal.

I find normal to be spectacular and adventurous. Annie told me that Griffin just discovered his tongue while I was away. Everybody has one, but that doesn’t make an infant discovering his any less of a miracle.

Husbands have wives. Husbands and wives have kids. Mothers and fathers love their kids beyond all.

It’s normal.

One-quarter of families have a stay-at-home mom. Theirs is the most important job in the world. The next time you are at a dinner party and a woman tells you she’s a stay-at-home, hug her. Congratulate her. Commend her. Act like she’s the most interesting person in the room because she is. She’s wonderful and selfless. She’s patient and beautiful. Start one of those inspiring slow claps. She deserves it.

Without Annie, I’d probably be on some deserted island teaching a lost tribe how to SCUBA dive. She’s given me focus, purpose, love, and a family. She gives me the freedom to do what I love to do, share it with the world, and still have normal.

She keeps my feet on the ground and I (like to think I) keep her head in the clouds.

This Writer’s Life

Can you believe this dorm at TAMU-Texarkana?!?!?!

By Kelsey

This Writer’s Life

Texas here I come!

By Kelsey

“Yee-haw, yee-haw, yippie-yi-yo, Texas here I come.” Harper singing one of her favorite songs from Backyardigans and it just happens to be where I’m heading this morning.

She calls the hat her “cowboy hat” and she just has to wear it when she’s riding her Fischer Price horse she calls “old paint.” I think my little cowpoke needs a real cowboy hat. I’ll have to find her one in Texas.

This Writer’s Life

Pooping in the potty

By Kelsey

We enrolled Harper at a daycare/preschool associated with Ball State University. (Yep, she’s in college at the age of 2.) Two weeks ago I attended the school’s orientation for parents while Annie was at home with the kids.

The director of the program asked that all the parents introduce themselves, and share an interesting tidbit about their child. I was sitting in the front row on a seat that was about 6″ off the ground — like a giant sitting in munchkin land. She called on me first.

“I’m Kelsey Timmeran. My daughter’s name is Harper. She’s two…” and this is where I needed to say something interesting about Harper. I don’t like intro situations like this. In fact, sometimes my face will get red and I’ll stumble and mumble a bit, which doesn’t make sense because I’m completely comfortable addressing crowds of a few thousand. My mind wandered for something and landed on of all things this: “…and she pooped on the potty today!”

The parents broke into applause. If you want to win over the hearts and minds of parents with young kids, turn the conversation to poop. It works every time.

The introductions continued.

“I’m so and so and my daughter can do sign.”

Sign? Surely this woman meant that her daughter signs that she doesn’t like food by spitting it out, or that she has to go potty by holding herself.

“I’m so and so and my daughter also does sign language.”

Give me a break.

“I’m so and so and my daughter speaks Swedish, Spanish, English, and signs.”

What?!?! is this some kind of contest? I specifically remember a grade school one-up contest I had with my friends, which was more mature than what was happening here among the parents. Then, our contest was about whose father’s farts stunk the worst. I believe this was a precursor to “your mama” contests. “My daddy’s farts stink so bad…” Well you get the idea.

Harper has pooped in the potty twice. When she does I feel like we just reached the summit of Mt. Everest. But most of the time she waits to drop her load after we put her in a diaper at nap time. As soon as we walk into her stink-filled room she demands, “Change my diaper. I pooped!” During the changing process she’ll ask to see her handiwork. Sometimes I’ll humor her. She’ll comment on the size and then say, “Eww…that is very, very gross!”

To me, she is a genius! Just look how she uses adverbs already to describe her poop. She’s also hilarious and like the cutest kid ever!

But, the difference between me and the “my daughter speaks four languages” parents is that I recognize that others might not feel the same way as me about my kid. The report that my daughter pooped in the toilet won applause, the report that little Susie (not her name) is a flippin’ genius won eye rolls.

I’ve always thought the “My Kid Can Beat Up Your Honor Student” bumper stickers were ridiculous, but after listening to parents that began teaching their children Latin in the womb, I can see the appeal.

This Writer’s Life

A brush with the paparazzi

By Kelsey

On Monday I had my photo taken at least a thousand times by no less than 20 different photographers. It was one of those psuedo-famous moments where I felt like I was someone else, maybe even Lady Gaga. (Note: My butt cheeks weren’t hanging out.)

I was addressing high school students participating in Ball State’s summer journalism workshop. Photogs circled around the stage, in front and in back. At the top of the auditorium they stood on seats and tried to get an angle that no one else had imagined. I was less of a pseudo-celebrity and more of a bowl of fruit.

The title of my talk was “Confessions of an Untraditional Journalist.” You can read a summary of the talk on the site of the workshop. I talked about my path to do doing what I do today and how I didn’t wait for permission or assignments to go and tell the stories I wanted to tell. I should write this all down in a future blog post.

After my talk I did a 10-minute interview with some students that you can listen to here. The first question the student asked I found particularly interesting: “Have there been any stores that you’ve been emotionally unable to tell?”

A summary of my answer: It is my responsibility to the people who let me into their lives to tell their stories. I’ve yet to come across a story that, with the passing of some time, I’ve been unable to write about. That’s the thing I love about writing: it helps me make sense of the world.

Featured Story, This Writer’s Life