Dave Barry at the Olympics

Michael Phelps is impressive, sure, but, in my eyes, the most talented American in China is Dave Barry.

Apparently, he’s picked his column back up for the summer Olympics.

For you my very special friend, a sample of his most recent performance:

If you’re the kind of person who enjoys shopping and lying, you would love the Beijing Silk Market.

He goes on to talk about what happens if you show any interest in the products the vendors at the Silk Market are selling:

If you respond by displaying any interest at all — and by ”displaying any interest,” I mean ”not walking briskly away” — the salesperson will thrust a merchandise item into your hands and make the following points:

1. The item is totally legitimate. If it’s supposed to be a Prada purse, it’s a real Prada purse. If it’s a painting of the Mona Lisa, it’s the original Mona Lisa, by Leonardo Da Vinci, and not some cheap knockoff Mona Lisa such as the other vendors will try to sell you.

2. You are getting a very special price. Even though the salesperson has known you at this point for less than 15 seconds, she has taken a powerful liking to you, so she has decided to give you a price so ridiculously low, so totally crazy, that she will lose money on the deal and be forced to leave the vendor business and become a homeless person who must survive by selling personal bodily organs. That is how much she likes you.

It just doesn’t get any better than that. Stop what you are doing right now and go read the rest of his columns from China.