Wanna see my menu?

There’s a rumor that this place has Mexican food. And I’m Jonesan for a juicy burrito – hold the rice please.

I enter and approach the hostess. I motion by opening my hands like a book and presenting it to her. “Menu please?”

She looks a little puzzled. I once again present her with my imaginary menu. She smiles uncomfortably and motions me to follow her.

She doesn’t give me a menu, but she does show me to the toilet.

What about my hand gesture signified my needing to use the restroom, I will never know.

I don’t speak Chinese. They don’t speak English. Either I suck at hand gestures or they suck at reading them. Probably a little of both.

By the way they didn’t have…

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Study shows Chinese spitting leading to sea-level rise

Who conducted the study?

Me

What authority do I have?

My brother has his PhD and my cousin is working at NASA

The very technical results that you probably won’t be able to understand, you dimwit:

Geeze, they sure do spit a lot.

I like to think of myself as an open-minded, culturally sensitive fella who doesn’t lump 1.3 Billion people under the pronoun “they.” But today, this happened:

My hotel room in Yichang is on the 15th floor and I heard a voice that sounded like it was standing just outside my window. This puzzled me. I went to the window – nobody. I looked below me – nobody. I finally pin-pointed the voice to be directly above me. My curiosity satisfied, I pulled…

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Shoe Quote of the Day

Flip-FlopsFrom a Deckers Outdoor executive that was kind enough to meet with me today:

“Nike produces 20 million pairs of shoes/month, Reebok 10 million. I wanna know who’s wearing all of those shoes?”

We had a nice talk about my sandals. I’ll share more later.

And today’s proof that I’m no journalist: I did not ask him if it was possible to step on a pop-top and blow out a flip-flop….

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I have a voice for radio?

I took this quiz. It said I didn’t have an accent. Why is it then that everybody thinks I’m from Kentucky? (via WorldHum)

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Midland
 

“You have a Midland accent” is just another way of saying “you don’t have an accent.” You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all…

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Adoption Island

Free Stroller

Anyone that’s every adopted a kid from China has been to Shamian Island in Guangzhou.

I’ve seen many different types of tourism, but nothing every like this…

Shops advertise, “Free Stroller for All Customers.” Baby clothes hang in windows. Portraits of newly formed families are sketched into stone, matted and framed, and painted. Restaurants and shops have as down-home American names as possible: Lucy’s Diner, Bill’s Markets, Suzy’s Portraits. They serve applie pie. The White Swan hotel has a play room for babies.

It’s Sunday. People don’t get their kids until Monday or Tuesday so there are many anxious couples pacing about the quiet streets of the island. The process takes a week or two. Once the parent’s get…

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We're all Action Figures

You know that stuff at the counter that you purchase on a whim? Well, China has shopping malls full of that crap.

The one I’m in has eight floors of it to be exact.

There are key chains, mini-flashlights, stickers, stamps, pens, pins, and mini-play pins, laser lights, bouncy balls, and sticky wall crawlers. This place is paradise for a seven year old.

But just when I thought it was all junk, a store with a life size Venus de Milo. Who cares if it’s made of plastic?

And proof that this place just might have for sale everything that has ever existed – A Wally Szczerbiak plastic figurine in a Boston Celtics uniform. I was at Miami University with Wally. He’s now in the NBA and when he’s…

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Picture Guangzhou

Shoes! Shoes! SHOESSSS!!!
Shoes

If this is an American company, they should fire the person that coined the name.
Puss

This 2000-year-old street brought to you by Coca-Cola.
Coke St

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Layers of Culture

The bottom layer, 15-feet below, is there, but you can’t see it. The Southern Yue kingdom placed loose rock to make a street here 2200 years ago.

Working our way up, the Tang dynasty built-up the road with large cut stones 1400 years ago.

At street-level, present day Guangzhou-nites zip by with their shopping bags from Adiddas and Gioradano. Some of them pause long enough to look through the Plexiglas windows, sponsored by Coca-Cola, and consider the exposed ancient street.

I watch over it all. I’m sitting at the window on the second-floor McDonald’s, relishing my first hamburger in over two months. The fries are pretty nice too. The Coca-Cola isn’t bad either.

I think I’ll get an ice cream cone….

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MAN LOTION

Found in my hotel rooms medicine cabinet for only $1.50…

MAN LOTION

(Verbatim from the shiny packaging. Oh, and if you are in my aunt’s elementary class, STOP READING. Go draw a hippo.)

“It are according to the different characteristics, cent of the man wash and lady wash.Do you return the iso-WHAT? Take a shower on everyday or the sexual intercourse is in front and back, use it wash the private parts and is the hygiene’s the best choice of your health, at romantic tender feeling of personal status of time make you have peace of mide to have no to worry.”

This is definitely one of the more interesting, and by interesting I mean creepy, places I’ve ever stayed. But that view sure is nice….

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Wakeup China!

If you lived in Guangzhou, how would you start your day? The choices:

Running backwards in white, see-thru shorts that allow the early morning revelers to see that your black underwear are riding up.

Tai Chi in your pajamas.

Ballroom dancing on the river walk. Who needs a ballroom? Who needs music?

Body thumping – pounding your fists up and down your body. Good morning chest. Good morning bicep. Good morning butt cheeks.

Wiggling. You’re old. You don’t want to move much, but you want to put on a show as if you are active and will live longer than 3 weeks.

Group singing. You are good enough that a strange foreigner pulls out a microphone and records you. You don’t care about him….

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